It’s the last day of May and I am so on the fence with respect to dates with my blog articles. Guess my thoughts are on the fence as well. As I had mentioned earlier, I won’t write an item just for the sake of writing or of meeting my ‘at least once a month’ target, my higher calling is to write something that comes from deep within…
This morning while preparing for work, I remembered my teenage years, not the good aspects from that era (albeit there were so many!) but the few memories that bring sadness to my mind. Generally I was a very happy kid growing up, so full of life, but very determined and strong will, which came across in a myriad of ways – some good as in my academic work, friendships; some not so good as in doing what I wanted even if the rest of the world thought otherwise. Thinking about all those things inspired me to write an article that may be useful to others. I got to the office, opened my favorite devotional and the Word, logos, just became the rhema to me this day. Such a coincidence!
When I was growing up, I used to have serious feats of anger, some that lasted a month and beyond. What was amazing was that my anger was limited only to my parents and siblings, not friends nor classmates. I remember at one time not talking in the house for a month because I felt betrayed by one of my sisters and was punished as a consequence of that. I practically stopped eating in the house even after my punishment was lifted (because the punishment I received included refusal of food even though I had to clean the dishes when others had eaten – how cruel is that!). At another time, I was falsely accused of being seen somewhere I had never been to – I am still awed by that accusation up to date. So many false accusations were coming my way from time to time that fed the anger in me and I just had this constant burning deep within, wishing the people close to me understood who I really was and what values I had all the time. I am sure they did, but like most parents and siblings, they preferred to err on the side of caution. But at that age, all I saw was that I wasn’t understood and loved enough. I showed my dissatisfaction in many ways like refusing to eat, keeping to myself, not talking about my progress in school, and above all carrying a ‘long face’ around the house. Just to clarify a thing, it’s not like I wasn’t understood by every sibling and parent most of the time, on the contrary I felt real love most of the time, but then every incidence of misunderstanding really had great impacts on me.
Some of my siblings were always on my side. They reacted differently when they knew I was angry, some passive, some more actively like talking to the person who caused the situation. Above everyone else, there is one who totally understood me and what I was going through – my eldest brother. He was, and still is, my role model. The surprising thing is that he was out of the country during that period, but we still found means of ‘talking’ to each other – me telling him things that happen and him advising and encouraging me. He kept on telling me to control my anger, not to take negative comments too seriously and ignore situations that would lead to me being misunderstood. His letters and cards were almost the best things that happened to me when I was angry (I’ll try to get some of the ones I can still find and do an article – I promise). His words were so comforting, and it really felt good to know someone loved me unconditionally, and did not judge me too harshly. Despite all his advice, I still carried my anger to the university. I psychologically pulled myself away from what people thought of me, and could care less if the world around me was burning, so long as I didn’t start the fire and I’m not burnt with the rest of the world. I even completely disengaged myself from things happening in the family if I wasn’t directly involved. When my sisters were showing me tough love, my brother was just so loving. But then, is a brother’s unconditional love enough to get one out of a bad habit? My rhema for today gives a succinct answer…
Philippians 2:13: “for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”
When I was in the third year in University, I decided to not let ANYTHING get me to the point of being angry for long. Here’s a word from my devotional I tried hard but I wasn’t getting as much success as the effort I was putting in. The changes were temporary because it was me doing it. And then the Word of the Lord hit me –
“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (NIV, Eph 4:26).
I realized I had been focusing on the first part of the verse as consolation, rewarding myself for not insulting offenders. However, of all human emotion, anger has been known to be one of the most destructive. So how can I live with anger and not sin?
"Anger tends to evil" (Ps 37:8) and it "stirs up strife" (Prov 15:18; 29:22; 30:33).
OK then God, I am but human, given to anger at times, but how do I get out of it controlling my life? How do I stop being angry with someone when the person does not feel like they were wrong? How do I free myself from the bondage of anger? Tough questions but God being faithful gave me answers in the way he transformed me by Grace.
I read and re-read verses about anger in the Bible, the consequences of anger, and what God thinks about anger. I prayed and prayed and opened up to God about this canker worm and that I was helpless, I needed His intervention. He inspired me with mantras like: “ life is too short for me to be angry” “nobody deserves my anger”, etc. I kept his Word hidden in my heart, and before I knew it I was totally out of the loop. Alleluia! I was set free of the bondage of anger! Each time I realized a situation was getting steamy, I walked away or bit my tongue, or chuckled and then it’s history. I still get angry from time to time, but that is in extreme circumstances, but most importantly I don’t let the sun go down on my anger – most of the time.
If you are reading this blog and are in any type of emotional bondage, know that
only God can take you out of that situation. Inspirational and anger management books, movies dealing with that topic, friends and relatives can ease the situation temporarily, but only God can bring you out of it permanently. And do not let what others do affect you in a way that evokes that emotion; know that the only thing you can control is how you act or react towards circumstances, and not how others do. Today, I am a very happy woman, not giving in to people’s whims and caprices. People who knew me in my adult life will probably be shocked if they read this (thank goodness they won’t!) because they cannot believe I was ever given in to anger (except my hubby, of course) – they know I am assertive and honest in the way I feel, but ‘angry’ is not a word they’ll use to describe me. Sounds presumptuous? Go ask them! God bless you!
