Whose Expectations?

Have you ever been told, literally, by someone you love and care for that your relationship is not meeting their expectation? Well, I have and it hurts!

In any relationship, people have expectations as individuals, even though sometimes those expectations are never expressed, they are there hidden somewhere inside. Isn’t that the reason why some relationships fall apart, because the other person does not meet the expectation of the other? We are all egoistic, but at different levels. In the ideal world, when people get together in relationships or teams or workgroups, what should carry the day is the ‘compromised’ expectation of that relationship -‘compromised’ because it is some form of combination of the individuals’ expectations. There are always trade-offs, you lose some of your individualism in order to make the whole (group, relationship, etc.) better.

So what does it mean when your partner, team member, group member, etc. tells you that you are not meeting their (individual) expectations? It means among many interpretations, that there are fault lines in that relationship. But which relationship doesn’t have fault lines, you may ask. None, I daresay. However, we should be careful the way we relay a thought or a feeling… saying your partner does not meet your expectation is too prideful and self-conceited. Whatever happened to group expectation?

I’m not trying any form of self-gratification or atonement… nay! Writing is my outlet, earthly harbor of my secret thoughts. As I have written often, I take sole responsibility of every word I write. Back to my narrative – it is said in team building that the team takes joint responsibility for success and for failure. Why then do people single themselves out as the ones who have always made all the effort and have never faltered, and even when seemingly they derail, it is because of the action of another person, who then has to take all the blame? It’s like communication, it is a two way process, I absolutely do not see how a breakdown in communication is entirely caused by one person, except of course the other person is an object.

Scattered thoughts – I’m sure you don’t understand my rambling. I feel so hurt, I can’t even think straight. I’m trying to go about life as if everything is ok, but there is a limit to how much I can take and consider normal. For the sake of peace, I’m waving the white flag, the ‘nkeng’ (peace plant). It will not take anything from who I am, it may require some extra energy which I am sure I can muster, but I hope it’ll bring peace – real peace. Shalom!