18 Years of Adventure

Today, 18 years ago, I got married. An adventure it has been, albeit a full package of joy, laughter, celebratory events, challenging moments and doubt, but I can confidently say never a regret.

An adventure is “an exciting, unusual or bold experience that pushes you out of your comfort zone.” Often, people meticulously plan and prepare to the best of their abilities before undertaking an adventure. People set aside resources, draw up an itinerary, conduct research, and prepare their minds to discover what will unfold as they undertake the journey. An adventure evokes feelings of excitement, anxiety, fear, uncertainty… and yet joy and a deep sense of empowerment at the end. Marriage is an adventure that doesn’t necessarily follow the norm.

The anticipation phase of marriage is like most adventures for many people (I assume)—butterflies, excitement of leaving your comfort zone (independence or singlehood), and curiosity. Yet, unlike most adventures, people do not plan to come back to their present state. It’s like preparing to go live the rest of your life in the Amazon forest, rather than visiting for tourism. That feeling of forever can be deeply scary or deeply exciting depending on how you view your forever.

Then comes the experience phase—excitement, bliss, happiness, joy, and discovery, mixed with uncertainty, physical and emotional hurdles, and sometimes regret. In the thick of the Amazon rainforest, visitors are awestruck by the scenery and unadulterated nature, but common sense will ask them to be cautious of the thousands of wild beasts, reptiles, and amphibians that live in that ecosystem. People decide to keep going and focus on the exciting aspects, give up and ask for an airlift back, retrace their steps back to their comfort zones or give in and be complacent based on resilience and tolerance thresholds, life goals, and personal values. All these individuals share a common experience: there is a shift in what they knew as their comfort zone, unlike in the case of a physical adventure. Once you leave that space and get married, your original comfort zone shifts. I can do a deep dive on this topic in another post.

The final stage of the adventure, if completed, comes with amazement, a sense of achievement, and personal benefits. In marriage, this phase combines with the experience phase as each individual sets milestones for reflection and stock-taking – for most, it comes every anniversary, after events such as the birth of a child or realization of a family project. Other critical reflective moments come spontaneously after major disagreements and fights, disappointments, persistent disrespect, abandonment, etc.

I’ve been on this adventure for 18 years, and I believe that, by virtue of longevity, I have earned the right to tell every woman, no matter how far along you are and what your experience is – B R E A T H E. If you can perform this simple unconscious exercise of inhaling and exhaling, know you can make it… proceeding on the adventure, being airlifted back or retracing your steps. Remember, you are on that journey for yourself first. Your partner is there to keep you company on the right path (not misdirect you), pull you up when you are drowning (not hold your head under water), protect you against predators (not use you as a shield) and hold your hand when you are too weary to go on (not leave you behind).

Gifting – A love note to an awesome individual

 If you read my birthday post, you know I’ve been thinking about memorable things I’ve done for others, and yes, it is not self-serving or narcissistic; I’m looking at it from the viewpoint of having received more than enough so I can give to others. And sometimes it feels good to leave the bubble of humility —faux or intentional – and accept that you have been a blessing to many. It’s motivating and brings illumination to what’s important for you – for me, it's more than that; it brings meaning to my purpose.

Today, I woke up thinking about gifting – in light of what I’ve received, not what I’ve given. Am I expressing contradictory ideas? No… it’s the egg, chick, egg cycle. I have been thinking about gifts I’ve received from one individual – a beautiful soul who I absolutely love. However, before I return to discussing this specific angle, let me first talk about gifting in general.

Gifting is a gesture of kindness, sometimes to join souls and spirits in celebrating an event, honour a relationship, express emotion, meet a need… but, more importantly, to create lasting memories. We gift without expecting something in return, but gifting follows the law of reciprocity – not necessarily between the individuals involved or in the same physical measure. When you give a gift with pure intentions, you may not realise it at the time, but that kindness always comes back to you.

There are a few considerations that come to mind when thinking about what to give someone – the 'why' of it all, what the person likes, what the person needs/wants, affordability and accessibility, etc. Above all, people always say, ‘It’s the thought that matters.' True, and… nothing beats the warm glow on the receiver’s face.

Admittedly, I’m one of those ones that people find difficult to give gifts to. And to be honest, I would find it difficult to gift someone with my personality trait. However, this person has successfully broken through the barriers I have erected around my life events and has over the years bestowed upon me the most unforgettable gifts. Her gifts are very practical yet could be placed in the museum of my heart. She has a way of selecting the most thoughtful items for me – not what I need or want, but what I would like to keep and cherish. I want her to acknowledge the gift of picking the most perfect gifts every time.

Note: all those pictures were taken today – of some of the gifts she's given me over the years.