18 Years of Adventure

Today, 18 years ago, I got married. An adventure it has been, albeit a full package of joy, laughter, celebratory events, challenging moments and doubt, but I can confidently say never a regret.

An adventure is “an exciting, unusual or bold experience that pushes you out of your comfort zone.” Often, people meticulously plan and prepare to the best of their abilities before undertaking an adventure. People set aside resources, draw up an itinerary, conduct research, and prepare their minds to discover what will unfold as they undertake the journey. An adventure evokes feelings of excitement, anxiety, fear, uncertainty… and yet joy and a deep sense of empowerment at the end. Marriage is an adventure that doesn’t necessarily follow the norm.

The anticipation phase of marriage is like most adventures for many people (I assume)—butterflies, excitement of leaving your comfort zone (independence or singlehood), and curiosity. Yet, unlike most adventures, people do not plan to come back to their present state. It’s like preparing to go live the rest of your life in the Amazon forest, rather than visiting for tourism. That feeling of forever can be deeply scary or deeply exciting depending on how you view your forever.

Then comes the experience phase—excitement, bliss, happiness, joy, and discovery, mixed with uncertainty, physical and emotional hurdles, and sometimes regret. In the thick of the Amazon rainforest, visitors are awestruck by the scenery and unadulterated nature, but common sense will ask them to be cautious of the thousands of wild beasts, reptiles, and amphibians that live in that ecosystem. People decide to keep going and focus on the exciting aspects, give up and ask for an airlift back, retrace their steps back to their comfort zones or give in and be complacent based on resilience and tolerance thresholds, life goals, and personal values. All these individuals share a common experience: there is a shift in what they knew as their comfort zone, unlike in the case of a physical adventure. Once you leave that space and get married, your original comfort zone shifts. I can do a deep dive on this topic in another post.

The final stage of the adventure, if completed, comes with amazement, a sense of achievement, and personal benefits. In marriage, this phase combines with the experience phase as each individual sets milestones for reflection and stock-taking – for most, it comes every anniversary, after events such as the birth of a child or realization of a family project. Other critical reflective moments come spontaneously after major disagreements and fights, disappointments, persistent disrespect, abandonment, etc.

I’ve been on this adventure for 18 years, and I believe that, by virtue of longevity, I have earned the right to tell every woman, no matter how far along you are and what your experience is – B R E A T H E. If you can perform this simple unconscious exercise of inhaling and exhaling, know you can make it… proceeding on the adventure, being airlifted back or retracing your steps. Remember, you are on that journey for yourself first. Your partner is there to keep you company on the right path (not misdirect you), pull you up when you are drowning (not hold your head under water), protect you against predators (not use you as a shield) and hold your hand when you are too weary to go on (not leave you behind).

Gifting – A love note to an awesome individual

 If you read my birthday post, you know I’ve been thinking about memorable things I’ve done for others, and yes, it is not self-serving or narcissistic; I’m looking at it from the viewpoint of having received more than enough so I can give to others. And sometimes it feels good to leave the bubble of humility —faux or intentional – and accept that you have been a blessing to many. It’s motivating and brings illumination to what’s important for you – for me, it's more than that; it brings meaning to my purpose.

Today, I woke up thinking about gifting – in light of what I’ve received, not what I’ve given. Am I expressing contradictory ideas? No… it’s the egg, chick, egg cycle. I have been thinking about gifts I’ve received from one individual – a beautiful soul who I absolutely love. However, before I return to discussing this specific angle, let me first talk about gifting in general.

Gifting is a gesture of kindness, sometimes to join souls and spirits in celebrating an event, honour a relationship, express emotion, meet a need… but, more importantly, to create lasting memories. We gift without expecting something in return, but gifting follows the law of reciprocity – not necessarily between the individuals involved or in the same physical measure. When you give a gift with pure intentions, you may not realise it at the time, but that kindness always comes back to you.

There are a few considerations that come to mind when thinking about what to give someone – the 'why' of it all, what the person likes, what the person needs/wants, affordability and accessibility, etc. Above all, people always say, ‘It’s the thought that matters.' True, and… nothing beats the warm glow on the receiver’s face.

Admittedly, I’m one of those ones that people find difficult to give gifts to. And to be honest, I would find it difficult to gift someone with my personality trait. However, this person has successfully broken through the barriers I have erected around my life events and has over the years bestowed upon me the most unforgettable gifts. Her gifts are very practical yet could be placed in the museum of my heart. She has a way of selecting the most thoughtful items for me – not what I need or want, but what I would like to keep and cherish. I want her to acknowledge the gift of picking the most perfect gifts every time.

Note: all those pictures were taken today – of some of the gifts she's given me over the years.

 

My 2025 Birthday

As I sit here towards the end of the day of my birthday, reflecting on how beautifully unique this day has been, I remember that I promised to share my blog with more people today.

Am I ready for that move? Absolutely not! But is there ever … Will there ever be … a time when the chips are all in place for a big launch? I doubt it. The human mind doesn’t allow satiety, lest it be branded lazy, mediocre, and the like.

Where do I start? First, I'll tell you about my day, which started before 4 am. The heat was awful, and the electricity kept going out, so I couldn't sleep much. I picked up my phone and saw a long message that started with 'Happy birthday’—my first birthday wish. But the message swiftly devolved into an anticlimactic account of what the sender believed I had done to hurt them. I decided to respond and clear the mess before the crack of dawn because I intended to have a joyful day. That I did! Couldn’t sleep; I tossed and turned, thinking about the memories I have helped create for others.

6:25 am, I was in the car to the office—a pinkish red dress never worn to work before, black stilettos because why not, and maroon lipstick. It was a busy day in the office, and then I received a call—someone was at the gate for me. My friend, who is the twin sister of another friend, had arrived with beautiful red roses in one hand and a cute little cup that reads, ‘You’re my lobster.' Sure, the phrase is a reference from the series 'Friends,' which I never watched because it was too popular for my liking. Pictures, pictures… WhatsApp and back to work. Ooohhhh! But hold on… those roses are to die for.

Then walks in my friend and colleague. She had ordered a bucket of chicken from a Chinese fast-food joint, which we picked up at the gate, and I saved it for later. Of course, today is the last day of my dawn-to-dusk fasting (starving, according to my young friend, side note, she won't make heaven), and I must hit the finish line.

Now let me back track… I did something monumental today. I took a leap of faith and sent an email that could change the course of my 9-to-5 life. I won't reveal the specifics right now, but I firmly believe that I was obeying God's instruction, and I am certain that I will be writing a testimony about it soon. 

Back home, I enjoyed the chicken while reverting to the thoughts I had in the wee hours of the morning. It's easy to think about what others have done for you, but it's also good to reflect on how you've affected their lives. I forgot to mention that I posted a rare update on my WhatsApp status at 3 am. Simple message—'Typical April Day. Empty bank account but extremely grateful and happy.' The truth of this statement hinges on the specific bank account in question. I’m sure I have mentioned in a previous post the correlation between my birth month and the amount of disposable money I have left by my birthday. This year is no exception, but the money was used for a good cause, including giving someone a once-in-a-lifetime experience of travelling abroad to visit a sibling. I thought of the times I have stood in the gap between people and new life experiences, whether it be paying for travel, education, coaching for job interviews, or even just seeing another perspective that changed their way of thinking. Those accomplishments made me smile. Who am I? What’s my purpose in life? I wonder.

As this day draws to a close, I am grateful for all the kind messages and gifts of love that I received—from family, friends, and acquaintances. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve others in many ways. I can’t express enough gratitude for divine providence that provides and provides and provides, enabling me to give and give some more. I have a deep appreciation for the person I am, the family I am constructing, the life I live, and the people who surround me; however, my greatest love is for God.