18 Years of Adventure

Today, 18 years ago, I got married. An adventure it has been, albeit a full package of joy, laughter, celebratory events, challenging moments and doubt, but I can confidently say never a regret.

An adventure is “an exciting, unusual or bold experience that pushes you out of your comfort zone.” Often, people meticulously plan and prepare to the best of their abilities before undertaking an adventure. People set aside resources, draw up an itinerary, conduct research, and prepare their minds to discover what will unfold as they undertake the journey. An adventure evokes feelings of excitement, anxiety, fear, uncertainty… and yet joy and a deep sense of empowerment at the end. Marriage is an adventure that doesn’t necessarily follow the norm.

The anticipation phase of marriage is like most adventures for many people (I assume)—butterflies, excitement of leaving your comfort zone (independence or singlehood), and curiosity. Yet, unlike most adventures, people do not plan to come back to their present state. It’s like preparing to go live the rest of your life in the Amazon forest, rather than visiting for tourism. That feeling of forever can be deeply scary or deeply exciting depending on how you view your forever.

Then comes the experience phase—excitement, bliss, happiness, joy, and discovery, mixed with uncertainty, physical and emotional hurdles, and sometimes regret. In the thick of the Amazon rainforest, visitors are awestruck by the scenery and unadulterated nature, but common sense will ask them to be cautious of the thousands of wild beasts, reptiles, and amphibians that live in that ecosystem. People decide to keep going and focus on the exciting aspects, give up and ask for an airlift back, retrace their steps back to their comfort zones or give in and be complacent based on resilience and tolerance thresholds, life goals, and personal values. All these individuals share a common experience: there is a shift in what they knew as their comfort zone, unlike in the case of a physical adventure. Once you leave that space and get married, your original comfort zone shifts. I can do a deep dive on this topic in another post.

The final stage of the adventure, if completed, comes with amazement, a sense of achievement, and personal benefits. In marriage, this phase combines with the experience phase as each individual sets milestones for reflection and stock-taking – for most, it comes every anniversary, after events such as the birth of a child or realization of a family project. Other critical reflective moments come spontaneously after major disagreements and fights, disappointments, persistent disrespect, abandonment, etc.

I’ve been on this adventure for 18 years, and I believe that, by virtue of longevity, I have earned the right to tell every woman, no matter how far along you are and what your experience is – B R E A T H E. If you can perform this simple unconscious exercise of inhaling and exhaling, know you can make it… proceeding on the adventure, being airlifted back or retracing your steps. Remember, you are on that journey for yourself first. Your partner is there to keep you company on the right path (not misdirect you), pull you up when you are drowning (not hold your head under water), protect you against predators (not use you as a shield) and hold your hand when you are too weary to go on (not leave you behind).