18 Years of Adventure

Today, 18 years ago, I got married. An adventure it has been, albeit a full package of joy, laughter, celebratory events, challenging moments and doubt, but I can confidently say never a regret.

An adventure is “an exciting, unusual or bold experience that pushes you out of your comfort zone.” Often, people meticulously plan and prepare to the best of their abilities before undertaking an adventure. People set aside resources, draw up an itinerary, conduct research, and prepare their minds to discover what will unfold as they undertake the journey. An adventure evokes feelings of excitement, anxiety, fear, uncertainty… and yet joy and a deep sense of empowerment at the end. Marriage is an adventure that doesn’t necessarily follow the norm.

The anticipation phase of marriage is like most adventures for many people (I assume)—butterflies, excitement of leaving your comfort zone (independence or singlehood), and curiosity. Yet, unlike most adventures, people do not plan to come back to their present state. It’s like preparing to go live the rest of your life in the Amazon forest, rather than visiting for tourism. That feeling of forever can be deeply scary or deeply exciting depending on how you view your forever.

Then comes the experience phase—excitement, bliss, happiness, joy, and discovery, mixed with uncertainty, physical and emotional hurdles, and sometimes regret. In the thick of the Amazon rainforest, visitors are awestruck by the scenery and unadulterated nature, but common sense will ask them to be cautious of the thousands of wild beasts, reptiles, and amphibians that live in that ecosystem. People decide to keep going and focus on the exciting aspects, give up and ask for an airlift back, retrace their steps back to their comfort zones or give in and be complacent based on resilience and tolerance thresholds, life goals, and personal values. All these individuals share a common experience: there is a shift in what they knew as their comfort zone, unlike in the case of a physical adventure. Once you leave that space and get married, your original comfort zone shifts. I can do a deep dive on this topic in another post.

The final stage of the adventure, if completed, comes with amazement, a sense of achievement, and personal benefits. In marriage, this phase combines with the experience phase as each individual sets milestones for reflection and stock-taking – for most, it comes every anniversary, after events such as the birth of a child or realization of a family project. Other critical reflective moments come spontaneously after major disagreements and fights, disappointments, persistent disrespect, abandonment, etc.

I’ve been on this adventure for 18 years, and I believe that, by virtue of longevity, I have earned the right to tell every woman, no matter how far along you are and what your experience is – B R E A T H E. If you can perform this simple unconscious exercise of inhaling and exhaling, know you can make it… proceeding on the adventure, being airlifted back or retracing your steps. Remember, you are on that journey for yourself first. Your partner is there to keep you company on the right path (not misdirect you), pull you up when you are drowning (not hold your head under water), protect you against predators (not use you as a shield) and hold your hand when you are too weary to go on (not leave you behind).

Joy bringer

Sometimes, we just go through life doing the things we do and relating the way we know best, not taking out time to sit and think through our actions and relationships. We act like entitled people, people who deserve the relationships they have and have a right to the way they act. Until such a time that we repeatedly receive the same feedback from our relations, and it hits home that our behaviors and responses are affecting different people in similar manner.

Over the years, I have always been talked about as the one who is always smiling and more recently, I have realized I am also spreading warmth and joy. In fact, my Mom said each time I call, it gives them (parents) joy because I make laugh through the entire call. I can’t tag ‘funny’ against my name, so that is pure simple joy and happiness. That statement opened my eyes to some compliments I had taken lightly before, like an entitled human. I can’t count the number of times people tell me I am easy to talk to, or I make them smile when I do, etc. I just now realize that positive impact.

Beyond that is the impact you have on someone not just for the day but in a lifetime. I recently reconnected with an old friend from high school. She has been out of the country for over 15years already and we haven’t seen each other for those many years and haven’t communicated for about 10years now. As we were chatting, she reminded me of a Bible I had given her when we were in the University, something I didn’t recall. I simply laughed because I thought maybe she was mistaken – then she sent pictures of the Bible with my name clearly written on it.  

My first reaction was to tell myself ‘You had started this a long time ago’. She told me how that Bible has helped her through tough times, and she intends to pass it on to her kids. That made my night!
Sometimes we hold ourselves from doing things that are nice, and we don’t realize we are depriving others of happiness., joy, consolation, etc. I sincerely can’t remember the exact time I gave that Bible to my friend, neither the events around that period or the type of discussions we had that led to that action. Whatever the circumstances, I gave her a gift, that probably didn’t mean anything to me because I had unlimited supply to Bibles from my parents, but it has probably changed her life. Let us consciously remember to leave people feeling better – be a source of encouragement, joy, happiness, kindness… and above all LOVE.

Easter Wishes

From Renz

Hey! Another busy period in the kingdom of God. A moment of reflection and appraisal. When met with obstacles, find relief at the foot of the cross. There, your life is given a meaning.

And now abideth faith, hope, and love, these three, but the greatest of these is love. Love, you give completely, very honestly and so true. Heard in your loving words and felt in all you do. I look into my heart each time I feel like missing you; for there, I feel your presence, a special existence that shall never depart. It's such a blessing knowing that I am loved and most of all unconditionally. Such thoughts brighten my world. Thank you for all you've done for you've proven that without you I am nothing.

May God fill your Easter with all the happiness your heart can hold.

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!

Renz, my beloved sister

Routine? Work - Home, Family - Friends, Self - Others, Spend it - Save it, Hold on - Let go, Fast - slow. Just remember, whether it's Smiles or Frowns, Ups or Downs, Give or Take, It's bound to even out. So hang in there. Read the Bible, Pray everyday and believe in yourself.

Whatever life has to offer us be it good or otherwise we can weather any storm and face any problem that may arise. Let us not get tired of doing what is right for after a while, we will reap a harvest of blessing....

My hugs I send thro' email. Tis' a sweet spirit I long to share. Remember I too am just an email away.

Bless your day with Phil 4:19

Giase