Do it… and then some

As is the case with some of my posts, it has taken me forever to come around to writing this one. I feel I must do it now because the year is coming to an end, and I know this is a period when people do a lot of introspection, trying to analyze their lives in the year just ending and strategize on how to move forward. I had the most trying period of my life, by far the worst, a few months ago. I was neck deep in an uncomfortable situation and the rest of the world seemed to have stood still when I so needed them. I have never tried so hard for something in my life like I did when I was in the situation. I tried all avenues I possibly could but there were always obstacles, obstacles from angles I never thought possible. In my mind, I was operating in a system where things were moving smoothly, but then aren’t we all humans? However, one thing I would admit to myself is that I made a little slip – I would have pushed harder.


How many times have we found ourselves in difficult circumstances, and we don’t get a solution because we don’t want another person (who could actually influence the situation) to feel uncomfortable or to find us overbearing? Ok, I get it, we don’t want to seem ‘inconsiderate’. But guess what, that person might have just needed that extra push for them to take action that will get you out of the crisis. When you go to an office and meet people sitting outside, do you just sit with them or you knock on the door of the office? This is a common scenario, and most people I know will just sit outside with the others, not knowing their mission. Maybe the person in the office is waiting just for you… maybe the others are not there for same reason as you… just knock that door and let the person you want to see ask you to wait outside – then you can join the queue. It is that extra effort that usually makes things happen. I failed to make one call in between calls because I trusted someone will do what they said they’ll do. That someone just needed me to make that extra call for them to remember to do what they promised to.

This is not to say we should go about bugging people. Do all you HAVE to do and then some! Your mission is not same as others, so strive for your objective. Be more assertive, stop trying to make everybody comfortable at your expense, and be polite in your interactions. My issue has not gone away, and it would have been better if I just made that one extra call! I am not one to give in to regrets, I am moving on, but I have issues with myself and my attitude that I have to handle.

To end, as you know, I always have a Rhema to remind myself of God’s grace in my life. Romans 8:28 : “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”.

My Grace Preacher, Pastor Prince writes in his Daily Devotional of Dec 6, 2012 thus: “’all things’ is literally all things — the good, the bad and the ugly! Now, it does not mean that all things are from God. Some things, such as accidents, sicknesses, broken relationships and divorces are not from Him. They are from the devil or just part of the fallen world that we live in. But what this verse does tell us about our inheritance as God’s beloved children.

Do the people of the world have this inheritance? No. When bad things happen to them, they are what they are — bad things. But when bad things happen to the children of God, it does not end there. God can make those bad things work together for good. In other words, the devil may throw lemons at you, but God can take those lemons and make refreshing lemonade for you! It is important you remember that God is not behind anything bad or ugly. But when those things happen, know that He can make all things work together for good. And don’t let anyone tell you that all things will work together for good only if you love God and are called according to His purpose. These two things are not conditions but descriptions of believers.

My friend, because you have been born again, all things in your life will work together for good. This is your inheritance as a beloved child of God!"


Merry Xmas to you and I pray that 2013 brings more joy, peace and happiness to your life and may you be a perfect reflection of God's abundant grace to the world!

Who gets the credit?

For no reason, I got up around 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I lay in bed pondering a few things until 5.25am when I got up and prepared for work. I am in the office at 6.30am, an hour before official start time. What better thing to do than write a couple of articles.

When I was getting dressed for work, something came to my mind – inspiration for this article. I don’t believe in ‘luck’, I believe in opportunity meeting proactive effort to make things happen. But like me you may have noticed that some people are very proactive and even create opportunities through their hard work but then they never reap the fruits thereof; while others just ride on the back of the success horse left behind by others. How do the latter feel about this? Who do we credit the achievement to? It’s all so confusing to me.

The carnal nature is selfish, ingratiating even when not merited. It therefore takes someone who has transcended these attitudes to create opportunities, or exploit existing opportunities through deliberate proactive efforts, knowing that their legacy will end where another person takes over and reaps the fruit of their labor. But does their legacy really end? Who gets the ‘pat on the back’ for that success? Now if this has been too much theory, let me break it down with a hypothetical example; A farmer acquires a piece of land, tills it, cultivates and for reasons beyond his control, he has to abandon the farm. The crops mature and who is there to reap - a neighbor or the land owner or someone else. Do you see my dilemma? If it came to rewarding someone for that achievement, who will you reward?

I have said many times before, and it is one of my mantras – ‘life is not fair’. I still struggle though with issues around justice and fairness. But if you think like me in my less emotional and more pious time, you’ll know that we have the responsibility of setting goals, doing our best to reach those goals, always bearing in mind time is not ours to manipulate, but God’s. Whenever there is the call of ‘timeout’ for us, we should be able to say we did the best we could when we had the time. Whoever reaps the fruits will be immaterial because we’ll know our Heavenly Father knows better than us – mere mortals, and rewards accordingly!

Mark of greatness

This thought has been bugging me for the past few days and I feel I just have to get it off my chest. I have been avoiding writing articles that include people who are not my family, but I am hoping the person I will mention here will not mind. I am killing myself because it means I will have to let her into my blog to read this article, but I hope she’ll enjoy reading my articles (actually it’ll be a privilege!). Truth be told, I am a tad bit apprehensive…



I reinforced my knowledge of leadership a lot at the end of last week. It wasn’t about learning something new, but it was about getting a deeper meaning of the terms: inherent leadership and acquired leadership. There has always been a raging debate about leaders being born or made, but I have never really thought about it the way I did this weekend. I have gone through a leadership program, I have managed a leadership training program for 3 years, I have talked to people who hold leadership positions, in short I have meddled with leadership myself – and it is amazing I needed to experience what I did last Friday to give a deeper thought to leadership.


Made leaders are those who by chance or achievement find themselves in positions to lead. They may (or not) have taken courses in leadership, acquired leadership notions, are good mannered, etc. They may (or not) excel in their jobs because they apply the notions they learnt and also put to value their experiences. They make good leaders (or not) depending on the angle people judge them from. On the other hand, inherent leaders are born that way. People often say ‘there are just two types of people, those who lead, and those who follow’, and I say even when seemingly following, inherent leaders are leading. Let me explain what I mean better in the next couple of paragraphs


On Friday, there was a discussion about who will carry out a specific task in the office (a task that did not require any particular skill, so anyone could do it actually). My Country Director had a couple of options (in my opinion):


• oblige someone to do their job


• assign the job to someone else


Both options would have meant she is applying the notions of leadership – delegation, ensuring people do their tasks, team work, etc. and everyone would have praised her for being a good leader. Now here is the shocker – she chose to do the task herself! What? Yes, she did!


Every type of leader could go for the first two options, but ONLY an inherent leader would do what she did and in the way she did it, without prejudice or display of anger and frustration. I am not sure how she was feeling at that moment, but the fact that she offered to do the job so naturally, not rubbing it in people’s faces, triggered my thoughts about leadership. Even some people who will take up tasks voluntarily often do so grudgingly, and the tasks aren’t usually as far removed from their regular ones as this was from a Country Director’s job. Such humility! It did not just make her a good leader, she showed GREAT leadership! Her concern at that point was to get the job done, rather than focusing on who did the job! If only all leaders could be this way. You can’t learn something like that, you just can’t – it comes naturally, it is who the person is! That is the ultimate difference between a born leader (great leadership) and a made leader (good leadership).

Anger cannot rule my world!

It’s the last day of May and I am so on the fence with respect to dates with my blog articles. Guess my thoughts are on the fence as well. As I had mentioned earlier, I won’t write an item just for the sake of writing or of meeting my ‘at least once a month’ target, my higher calling is to write something that comes from deep within…

This morning while preparing for work, I remembered my teenage years, not the good aspects from that era (albeit there were so many!) but the few memories that bring sadness to my mind. Generally I was a very happy kid growing up, so full of life, but very determined and strong will, which came across in a myriad of ways – some good as in my academic work, friendships; some not so good as in doing what I wanted even if the rest of the world thought otherwise. Thinking about all those things inspired me to write an article that may be useful to others. I got to the office, opened my favorite devotional and the Word, logos, just became the rhema to me this day. Such a coincidence!

 
When I was growing up, I used to have serious feats of anger, some that lasted a month and beyond. What was amazing was that my anger was limited only to my parents and siblings, not friends nor classmates. I remember at one time not talking in the house for a month because I felt betrayed by one of my sisters and was punished as a consequence of that. I practically stopped eating in the house even after my punishment was lifted (because the punishment I received included refusal of food even though I had to clean the dishes when others had eaten – how cruel is that!). At another time, I was falsely accused of being seen somewhere I had never been to – I am still awed by that accusation up to date. So many false accusations were coming my way from time to time that fed the anger in me and I just had this constant burning deep within, wishing the people close to me understood who I really was and what values I had all the time. I am sure they did, but like most parents and siblings, they preferred to err on the side of caution. But at that age, all I saw was that I wasn’t understood and loved enough. I showed my dissatisfaction in many ways like refusing to eat, keeping to myself, not talking about my progress in school, and above all carrying a ‘long face’ around the house. Just to clarify a thing, it’s not like I wasn’t understood by every sibling and parent most of the time, on the contrary I felt real love most of the time, but then every incidence of misunderstanding really had great impacts on me.

Some of my siblings were always on my side. They reacted differently when they knew I was angry, some passive, some more actively like talking to the person who caused the situation. Above everyone else, there is one who totally understood me and what I was going through – my eldest brother. He was, and still is, my role model. The surprising thing is that he was out of the country during that period, but we still found means of ‘talking’ to each other – me telling him things that happen and him advising and encouraging me. He kept on telling me to control my anger, not to take negative comments too seriously and ignore situations that would lead to me being misunderstood. His letters and cards were almost the best things that happened to me when I was angry (I’ll try to get some of the ones I can still find and do an article – I promise). His words were so comforting, and it really felt good to know someone loved me unconditionally, and did not judge me too harshly. Despite all his advice, I still carried my anger to the university. I psychologically pulled myself away from what people thought of me, and could care less if the world around me was burning, so long as I didn’t start the fire and I’m not burnt with the rest of the world. I even completely disengaged myself from things happening in the family if I wasn’t directly involved. When my sisters were showing me tough love, my brother was just so loving. But then, is a brother’s unconditional love enough to get one out of a bad habit? My rhema for today gives a succinct answer…

Philippians 2:13: “for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”

When I was in the third year in University, I decided to not let ANYTHING get me to the point of being angry for long. Here’s a word from my devotional

“Have you ever tried to break a bad habit on your own? You probably found that when you tried to stop it by sheer willpower, you saw improvement for a while, and then bounced back to square one. Worse, you found yourself binging on the very thing that you were trying not to do. And your condition is worse than before you started your “I’m going to quit” program!” (New Creation Church/Joseph Prince Daily Devotional of May 30 2012).
I tried hard but I wasn’t getting as much success as the effort I was putting in. The changes were temporary because it was me doing it. And then the Word of the Lord hit me –
“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (NIV, Eph 4:26).
I realized I had been focusing on the first part of the verse as consolation, rewarding myself for not insulting offenders. However, of all human emotion, anger has been known to be one of the most destructive. So how can I live with anger and not sin?
"Anger tends to evil" (Ps 37:8) and it "stirs up strife" (Prov 15:18; 29:22; 30:33).
OK then God, I am but human, given to anger at times, but how do I get out of it controlling my life? How do I stop being angry with someone when the person does not feel like they were wrong? How do I free myself from the bondage of anger? Tough questions but God being faithful gave me answers in the way he transformed me by Grace.

I read and re-read verses about anger in the Bible, the consequences of anger, and what God thinks about anger. I prayed and prayed and opened up to God about this canker worm and that I was helpless, I needed His intervention. He inspired me with mantras like: “ life is too short for me to be angry” “nobody deserves my anger”, etc. I kept his Word hidden in my heart, and before I knew it I was totally out of the loop. Alleluia! I was set free of the bondage of anger! Each time I realized a situation was getting steamy, I walked away or bit my tongue, or chuckled and then it’s history. I still get angry from time to time, but that is in extreme circumstances, but most importantly I don’t let the sun go down on my anger – most of the time.

If you are reading this blog and are in any type of emotional bondage, know that only God can take you out of that situation. Inspirational and anger management books, movies dealing with that topic, friends and relatives can ease the situation temporarily, but only God can bring you out of it permanently. And do not let what others do affect you in a way that evokes that emotion; know that the only thing you can control is how you act or react towards circumstances, and not how others do. Today, I am a very happy woman, not giving in to people’s whims and caprices. People who knew me in my adult life will probably be shocked if they read this (thank goodness they won’t!) because they cannot believe I was ever given in to anger (except my hubby, of course) – they know I am assertive and honest in the way I feel, but ‘angry’ is not a word they’ll use to describe me. Sounds presumptuous? Go ask them! God bless you!

Love and appreciation: Perceptions and Expectations

I have been not been able to write this article for a couple of weeks now mainly because I’ve been snowed under by work. Actually, it was supposed to be my March entry. Now I owe myself at least two articles this month to make up for the fault.

People have many problems that affect the way they relate with the society and circumstances, among which is their perception of being loved and appreciated. I maintain the word ‘perception’ because it is the way the person feels about the situation, not necessarily the way it actually is. Let me break it down the way I understand these two very affective notions: love and appreciation. Some people feel they are/were not loved and/or appreciated at all or enough by their parents and or siblings and or spouses. So this raises the question of WHY do they feel that way? Do their definitions of love and perception match the other person’s? I have learnt, through experience and a lot of reflection that people have differing, albeit conflicting ways of showing they love or appreciate someone.

In our typical African society, parents don’t often tell their child ‘I love you’! Does this mean their children are less loved than children from communities where these words are like a prefix to every sentence? Absolutely not! Many of us never even tell our spouses that we love them, but then we do like crazy. We grew up with what can be referred to as ‘tough love’ in the literal sense of it. Our parents will show how much they love us by disciplining us in ways we can never forget (any memories here?) because they love us so much they won’t want us to repeat the same mistake twice. They sacrificed a lot for us, wearing the same pair of shoes for two years because there is a conflicting need to them getting a new pair and feeding us, and they chose the latter. They care when we fail or don’t meet certain expectations that they ‘challenge’ us to do better by rewarding the sibling who performed better. This is same thing with some couples. There are couples who have never told their spouses ‘I love you’, but they show it in the way they respect and honour the other. They are attentive to their partner’s needs, and are selfless in giving a good image of the other.

In a similar light how do we feel appreciated? Do we want to be told ‘Well done, good work’ by our bosses, colleagues, spouses, family members all the time? I was a very bright student growing up, but my mom had set a very high standard for me that being second in class (even with an excellent average) just didn’t cut it. You had to be the best to get her to give back your report card without saying anything. What was most amazing was that being the top of the class alone didn’t cut it either, you needed to maintain a consistent excellent grade in all your subjects. Ok, I didn’t turn out to be a genius, but I later understood that my mother was very appreciative of my efforts to get better in school. She just didn’t say it. Many of us can relate with that, and have many other examples in our lives where we felt we were trying too hard to please somebody and the person just couldn’t say it. I will leave out details about appreciation in a couple as this will be the subject of another blog.

Now here are my deepest thoughts on these issues:
· Convergence of our perception of being loved, and actually being loved. Do we expect more than we can get? Our parents gave us the best of what they had. You can’t expect blood from cabbage (quoting a famous politician). My advice: look at the intention, not the words! However, because we are creating our own families, we can give more than what we had. Understanding the other person is very important, and learning to say those words might make all the difference. Some people by nature are very sentimental and will want to be told those words – it doesn’t kill to say them. Others are more action/intention-focused that they will want love to be demonstrated – demonstrate it. Simply put, find a balance between how you know how to love, and what the other person expects from you.
· For appreciation, I will be brief because there are really no alternatives: PLEASE YOURSELF. Do everything as if you were doing for yourself, rather than to get recognition from others. Pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate your achievements like you are the best at it. If there is someone willing to celebrate with you, then pour him a glass – being generous can only add more blessings!

Happy February 29!

Today is a bonus day! February 29th doesn't happen every year. I am so grateful to God for this 'extra' day, and that is the way I consider it because it means 'extra' blessings for this year. If you want to feel the way I feel about this day, think of a time when you needed just one 'extra' minute to write that correct answer that just popped up in your head when the invigilator was saying 'Time over', and that made all the difference between having a C or a D grade. You can think of as many examples as your life experiences where you needed just a split second to change things for the better. Imagine you had that split second. That is how I am feeling today.

Do I sound crazy? Well, I don't think so and a few people around me too (or maybe we all are) because I have managed to spread laughter today in the funniest way possible. If you listen to myths, one about Feb 29 is that women are 'allowed' to propose to men and the men don't have to reject the proposal. I have been informing my single friends about this, and some have tried on their men. Although their guys had already proposed to them, it however brought quite a bit of stir and laughter. Such fun!

Ok, this is not the object of my post. Actually I am writing today for two main reasons: first I promised myself that unless circumstances are really extenuating, I will try to post at least one article a month. So hurray I have one 'extra' day to fulfill my promise. Secondly, I am amazed at how many 'extra' circumstances and opportunities we have in life that I finally came to grips in a new way with the saying that 'Never say never'.

Can you remember how many times you have sworn never to do something and then gone back to it? the beauty about it is that people tend to have short memories and forget. For the few who remember, you just ignore them or you let them ruin the joy of doing what you had said 'never' to. Some people are so scared about what others will think that they forget it is mainly about them, not others. Don't we as humans have the right to err? Friends and others, cut us the slack. We say never and come back to it, it's our right to be unpredictable that way. Enough of my blah blah. In essence, there is one situation in my life that I had told whoever was ready to listen and others that I WILL NEVER find myself in it. It is actually something positive, in fact very positive, but it just wasn't in my 'thought' list, let alone priority list. However, I had a snap moment a couple of weeks ago and started loving the idea of doing it, and I'm actually working and praying towards making it happen. God, who am I to resist when you ignite a passion in my heart? I am so totally into it that I am thinking if I miss this opportunity, I will look for others just so I can accomplish this thing. So fellows, feel free to change your minds anytime irrespective of what others might think.

I will not be Intimidated!

I can’t hold this back… I had promised a friend with whom I discussed the essence of the post an hour ago, that I was going to write it tomorrow. But hey, something just happened that has made my heart to race, literally, and I feel this rush in me, a gush of inspiration to push this out. If this is the feeling people get when they are called, then I totally get it – now! This is what happened… as mentioned in my last post, I am appreciating Grace in a totally different but holistic way, and that is thanks to my new favorite Bible Teacher, Pastor Joseph Prince (http://www.newcreationchurch.org.sg/). I went back to his daily devotion passage of Sunday and the logos (The WORD!) suddenly became the rhema (verse of Scripture that the Holy Spirit brings to our attention with application to a current situation or need for direction). That is when I started feeling this urgency to write this article!

The title of the devotional is ‘BE NUMBERED AMONG THE UNDEVOURABLE’ and the key verse is 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (www.newcreation.org.sg/resources/daily-devotional). I will permit myself to copy and paste sections of the lesson as they fit my narrative (In green)… the rhema.

These past weeks have been trying to me. Last year ended in a not so good note, financially. Not that we didn’t have enough money, but because of some things that were happening that were rather unusual to me. First of all, let me take you back into history a little (sorry I am never consistent in narration, and I am not struggling to be). A few months ago, I discovered some ‘disappearances’ of money from my purse, with no one claiming responsibility. When I noticed about the third time, I decided to keep a record of my spends but that seemed like an even more difficult task as I still couldn’t get a balance between what I record as ‘spent’ and the what I have left. But I persisted nonetheless. The weekend of Jan 1, I didn’t leave the house (except to get fuel) and was so certain of how much I had left in my purse. Lo and behold I noticed some money was missing. I informed my hubby but we decided tokeep quiet about it.

First week of January, our Finance Officer informed me that an EFT of my salary had bounced, and then I discovered in the details of the report that they had my account number wrong. So I decided to go to the bank and get my statement from when I started work in my new organization. To my greatest dismay, I had received only 1 salary out of 5. I reported to the office and a week later my account manager at the bank informed me that money had still not come through. In addition to that, my gratuity payment from my former employer had not been paid yet, about 3 months after leaving them. To compound matters, a very distraught me went home on Friday, with a purse in which I had put some money in the morning and spent none, and in the evening before sleeping I was convicted to check my purse and some money had again ‘disappeared’, of course with no one claiming responsibility.

That night, I had a conversation with God about the situation and even then I thought I will confront the situation, and person(s), physically. But in the morning, the voice of reason came to me and I reminded the devil that he is a liar. I will not be fooled, caught up in his lies. It was a trap the devil was setting to place me under the bondage of money for this entire year. As Pastor Prince writes
‘The devil cannot just walk right up to you and rob you of your health, peace or family. He cannot just come into your life to enforce disease and destruction. If the devil can do that, then he does not have to walk about “seeking whom he may devour”. He only has to walk straight up to anyone he wants to devour and devour him! But since the Bible says that he goes about seeking whom he may devour, the truth then is that there are people whom he cannot devour.
You see, the devil goes about like a roaring lion trying to stir up fear in people with his roars. But the people who are not devourable are those who refuse to be intimidated by his roars because they know that the true Lion of Judah, Jesus Christ (Revelation 5:5), has already come and rendered powerless him who had the power of death. (Hebrews 2:14, NASB) They know that the devil cannot just do anything to them because the Lion of Judah resides in them, and that He is greater than the devil who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)’

I told the devil on Saturday and Sunday that even while I am continuing my conversation with God about the devourer (physical I am convinced, but could be spiritual), I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED! Satan, try elsewhere because you have failed in my house – God’s sanctuary!
Certain situations come to us, even through the ones we love, accommodate under our roofs, our children and siblings, that may make us want to blame them and hate them. But I have learnt to go to the source and see what God’s plan for me is in that situation. If God allows the tempter (don’t be fooled, if you are a child of God, only God can give the devil the permission to tempt you because He knows you are well equipped to put the devil to shame – read Job’s story) to come into my home, then there must be something in that situation that will be for my good, and for the edification of those around me to the Glory of God! You may be wondering what I am yapping about, let me break it down in the way I have learnt in this potentially destructive situation that I have turned in my favour to God’s glory:
- I started keeping a record of my spend, which is quite a healthy thing to do
- Today, I had a spark moment which caused me to start planning my spend, which is even healthier. So I make weekly commitments to myself (weekly because I am not very much a planner - monthly or quarterly will work for planners), and see how I perform at the end of the month. Difficult to explain but I hope this snapshot spreadsheet example will help. You can copy and paste it in Word or Excel document for better appreciation. Analyze it anyway you please according to what you are looking for

I will conclude with the rest of the lesson from the devotional
‘My friend, the Lion of Judah is in you. He has given you rights, privileges, authority and power. He redeemed you with His blood. Therefore, everything about you and your life is redeemed by His blood. So if you are fearful about losing your job, cover your job with the blood of Jesus. If you are worried about your children’s safety in these days of terrorist attacks, plead the blood of Jesus over them. If you have received a bad report from the doctor, speak the blood over yourself.
Whatever you have covered with the blood of Jesus, God declares, “Protected! Redeemed!” And the devil flees when he sees the blood. And when he flees, he takes with him sicknesses, diseases, pains, sufferings, destruction and loss.
Once the devil knows that you know who you are in Christ and what you have in Him, his days of intimidating you are over, and you are numbered among the undevourable!’

I am not saying that all my problems have been solved in the physical realm, but I know they have been solved in the spiritual because I have covered my finances and my home with the blood of Jesus! Devourer beware, I declare I AM UNDEVORABLE in the blessed name of Jesus!

Grace, not Anxiety!

I like to write about self-development, be it spiritual, moral, physical, economic, social... It is important to me because that is the overall goal or purpose of our existence. I am just off the phone with my hubby and as I was informing him that my mom had just retired, a flash bulb lit up in my head. Why do we get into a state of uncertainty when we or ours are about to move on to another stage in their existence? Shouldn’t we just roll on with those changes as if they are expected and already taken care of? Do we get surprised at the arrival of dusk or the dawn of day? Albeit some of us do!

God has given us all that we need to get us to a point where we take changes as normal phases in life… He has told us not to be anxious about anything (Philippines 4:6). Isn’t He still God? Have our anxieties changed Him? ‘He knew us before we were conceived’ (Jeremiah 1:5)– doesn’t that count for something… for everything? Don’t we trust Him when He says ‘I know the plans I have for you…(Jeremiah 29:11)?’ Like little kids (Matthew 18:3), He asked us to become. My son shows me exactly what Jesus meant when he said this. My son is at the curious age, he wants to feel everything, press every button, etc. He loves switching off the TV among many other exploits that adults may find irritating. When he does that 3 times, I send him to the room for a few minutes. He stays there alone, cries and bangs at the door. After 5 minutes, I open the door and he immediately stops crying, starts laughing (one of the treasures he got from me) and runs into my arms. He celebrates this freedom and doesn’t blame me. I am just human, tons of deleted wrongs on my record… he is just my son, oblivious of the stresses of life… what more of the infallible, ever true Jehovah Shammah?

Before conception, our parents get anxious about wanting a child, and then we are conceived and birthed and they start worrying about germs, eating habits, safety, etc. We develop into tots and they get anxious about our education, morals, future… and these anxieties don’t go away when we start school. In fact they increase. And then we become teens and they worry about relationships, waywardness, attitudes, … We become adults and take over most of the worrying… job, marriage, family, deceptions, love, accommodation, … We get married, and start worrying about fidelity, sustainability of the marriage, tolerance… With children, we start having same anxieties as our parents had with us. Then while working we worry about job security, salaries, retirement… I can’t remember God saying He created us to be worried about moving from one developmental stage to another. But then we are just humans!

That is not excuse enough, being humans! Jesus proved to us that we can live anxiety-free lives by His everyday actions. Remember the fishermen at sea who had no catch? Remember the crowd with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fishes? Is there any account of Jesus getting worried? Not even when the soldiers came to arrest Him did He show any signs of being stressed up. He trusted His Father and believed that the burden was not His to bear but God’s. Why is it so difficult, almost impossible, for us to live anxiety-free lives? Why am I obsessed with thoughts about how my mom’s life will change now she is on retirement, about my son’s safety, about staying away from my son…? Tough one because trust me I am not different from most people. I even worry about dusk coming too soon 

I have come to have a deeper understanding of the meaning of Grace! Grace is what is takes to totally surrender all to God, not our efforts, not our good deeds, not how much we know… just un-merited favour – God’s Grace. Through Grace, God has already taken care of everything so we need not worry, because He knows even before we ask (Matthew 6:8). We don’t have to work to earn His Grace, it’s free! Just claim it and it will come to light in your life. My prayer for 2012 is that God should teach me more about Grace, open my eyes to see the application of Grace in my life, and share this great gift with as many people as possible. God bless you!

How much time can you give?

Now I get the real meaning of the phrase ‘enjoy your youth’. What is interesting is that when one is still young, no matter how much advice is given, we never take it seriously, until such a time when responsibilities bug us down and consume our existence.

As you get older, you see the necessity of investing your time in productive activities. At the same time, peoples’ desire to get your attention increases. The only constant here is the length of a day…24hours. As you get older, you meet new people, make more friends, build stronger bonds professionally and socially… all these requiring a piece of your time. You take up more responsibilities at work, maybe having parallel jobs like running a business alongside your regular 7.30am to 5pm, or sitting in one committee or another, church responsibilities, etc… and it’s still 24hours a day. And then here comes marriage [in-laws] and/or children to add to the [over-indulgent] relatives that you already have!

What compounds the situation is that all these different time-demanding entities require your full attention and expect you to be efficient when interacting with them. How possible can that be? Now here’s what I think (it’s my thoughts, my secret thoughts, and I take full responsibility for it: FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIALS! Let me break this down in the next few paragraphs.

Essential 1: My job. Ok, shoot me because I didn’t start with family but remember I didn’t say I was listing in order of importance. I am starting with professional life because it has a structured timetable already, it will help me to work out the others around it. My job is very important to me. Before I used to think that when I start having children, I will give myself a professional break and have them all at once, take care of them and then go back to work. Let’s be real here fellows, when you have all these degrees burning in your back pack, a job with prospective, people who look up to you for financial support, increasing job scarcity and fears of job insecurity, you just can’t afford to say ‘aaahhh!’ to your job. Some people quit their jobs to take care of their kids and end up taking it out on the poor little pumpkins because of frustration. Even as a mom who so badly loves her son, I don’t think I will be happier if I quit my job and stayed home with him. But I am just one in millions of women on earth. The contrary will work perfectly for some, maybe most, women… don’t take my word for gospel, it is just my thoughts! So with my job safe, I block out 6.30am (or whenever I leave the house in the morning) to 6pm (or whenever I get back home).

Essential 2: With the food on the table, I now move on to immediate family (micro family as I love to call it). In case of emergency (celebration of events, ailment, doctor’s appointments…) at this level, Essential 1 will step aside for Essential 2. That tells you how very important immediate family is. If I have to, I will wake up at 4am to do laundry, prepare the baby’s (or children’s) food, prepare them for school, before getting ready for work. In the evening, I will prepare dinner, prepare spices for the next day meals, iron dresses, make sure assignments are done, school bags packed, etc. I will sleep for a couple of hours if that is what it takes to make my immediate family happy. On weekends, spend as much time as possible with them, go shopping with them, go to the park, … just making sure that whatever activity I am carrying out involves them. That way I can do the things I need to do and still have my family’s attention.

Essential 3: Religious, social and moral responsibilities. Whatever activities you are involved in that give you a sense of fulfillment, could be leisure, clubs, etc, then give them some attention after prioritizing family and job.

Essential 4: Extended immediate family (siblings & their kids, parents). Call me what you may but I have realized I need to discriminate between my immediate extended family, and the larger extended family that includes cousins, uncles and aunts. I will give up some of my family time for this group of people depending on the necessity. I will give them a few days of my annual leave. I will call them from time to time to find out how they are doing.

Essential 5: I love my friends and they represent different things to me, every one of them special. I use friends here in the real sense of the word, not just loosely. My friends have almost same privileges as immediate extended family but for the fact that we will have more cumulative face time over the year. Not that I will spend days at a time with a friend, but we can meet over lunch, a couple of hours every month… and then by the end of the year we might have spent more face time than I would with most of my immediate extended family.

Essential 6: Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) and other friends (acquaintances). I know some cousins are as good as sisters/brothers, but in trying to prioritize my time, I draw the line. Most of these people I never get to see, or we meet occasional (events, celebrations, etc). These only get the piece of my time that comes by chance (like a chance meeting), or when there is such an emergency that I cannot ignore.

If you notice I haven’t said anything about in-laws. That is a very slippery terrain that I will like to explore in details in another post.
Those are my secret thoughts, what are yours?