What’s the date of today? My brain just can’t remember. To know
I have to count back from my return date, the only information my brain can
give me now. So I’ll return home next Monday 24th… today is the
Monday before which means today is the 17th.
Although I work out every day, I still develop a feeling of
exhaustion (sounds like its deliberate but it’s not). My body doesn’t feel
tired but my brain feels tortured! My brain cells seem to have gone to sleep. Why
do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I just want to sit outside and stare far
into the horizon than sit here? Is it a consequence of eating three meals a
day?
Breakfast is good… I take a couple slices of slightly
toasted brown bread (and fool my brain it’s whole wheat bread, or is it?), a
couple spoons of baked beans (and I wonder why it has to be sweet – the
manufacturers must have poured a good quantity of sugar in the mix… why can’t
people just do homemade beans?), some mushroom (again looks like one that was
grown in an hour and I wonder why it doesn’t taste like mushroom I buy from the
local market), fruits (I literally have to drain out sweet water from the
fruits – granted fruits are sweet but the taste of that liquid tells me some
sugar missed its way into that bowl) a cup of tea (no sugar added – happy I’m
in control of this one), and a glass of juice with no sugar added (but I’m
still suspicious the manufacturers added some sweetening even if not sugar). That’s
exactly what I took this morning and I wonder why I’m feeling awful.
Maybe it’s the sessions (yes I’m at a training in another country)…
maybe the facilitation doesn’t tie in with my learning style – read read read –
something I love to do on my own and not necessarily listen to someone doing it
during sessions when I have the material in front of me. Or maybe it’s the duration
of the workshop – two weeks is a long time for any kind of in-service training.
This is the 8th day – dawn to dusk. Or maybe it’s the content – been
there, done it… now redoing it just sounds a little over-dosed?
Maybe it’s other people in the room – or maybe not. Everyone
has been fabulous and I can bet myself (don’t want to get anyone involved) that
>70% participants feel like me but everyone’s hanging in there – kind of
solidarity in torture. Haha! Shhhh… did I laugh out loud or my weary brain is
playing tricks on me? Sigh of relieve, no one seems to be noticing, or maybe
not, not sure of anything now. Look at them waiting for lunch time and dinner
to strongly vocalize their feelings at the table, and that’s when I feel better
knowing people are in a worse place than me. Those discussions make great
deserts after eating same kinds of foods every day for both meals.
