Grace, not Anxiety!

I like to write about self-development, be it spiritual, moral, physical, economic, social... It is important to me because that is the overall goal or purpose of our existence. I am just off the phone with my hubby and as I was informing him that my mom had just retired, a flash bulb lit up in my head. Why do we get into a state of uncertainty when we or ours are about to move on to another stage in their existence? Shouldn’t we just roll on with those changes as if they are expected and already taken care of? Do we get surprised at the arrival of dusk or the dawn of day? Albeit some of us do!

God has given us all that we need to get us to a point where we take changes as normal phases in life… He has told us not to be anxious about anything (Philippines 4:6). Isn’t He still God? Have our anxieties changed Him? ‘He knew us before we were conceived’ (Jeremiah 1:5)– doesn’t that count for something… for everything? Don’t we trust Him when He says ‘I know the plans I have for you…(Jeremiah 29:11)?’ Like little kids (Matthew 18:3), He asked us to become. My son shows me exactly what Jesus meant when he said this. My son is at the curious age, he wants to feel everything, press every button, etc. He loves switching off the TV among many other exploits that adults may find irritating. When he does that 3 times, I send him to the room for a few minutes. He stays there alone, cries and bangs at the door. After 5 minutes, I open the door and he immediately stops crying, starts laughing (one of the treasures he got from me) and runs into my arms. He celebrates this freedom and doesn’t blame me. I am just human, tons of deleted wrongs on my record… he is just my son, oblivious of the stresses of life… what more of the infallible, ever true Jehovah Shammah?

Before conception, our parents get anxious about wanting a child, and then we are conceived and birthed and they start worrying about germs, eating habits, safety, etc. We develop into tots and they get anxious about our education, morals, future… and these anxieties don’t go away when we start school. In fact they increase. And then we become teens and they worry about relationships, waywardness, attitudes, … We become adults and take over most of the worrying… job, marriage, family, deceptions, love, accommodation, … We get married, and start worrying about fidelity, sustainability of the marriage, tolerance… With children, we start having same anxieties as our parents had with us. Then while working we worry about job security, salaries, retirement… I can’t remember God saying He created us to be worried about moving from one developmental stage to another. But then we are just humans!

That is not excuse enough, being humans! Jesus proved to us that we can live anxiety-free lives by His everyday actions. Remember the fishermen at sea who had no catch? Remember the crowd with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fishes? Is there any account of Jesus getting worried? Not even when the soldiers came to arrest Him did He show any signs of being stressed up. He trusted His Father and believed that the burden was not His to bear but God’s. Why is it so difficult, almost impossible, for us to live anxiety-free lives? Why am I obsessed with thoughts about how my mom’s life will change now she is on retirement, about my son’s safety, about staying away from my son…? Tough one because trust me I am not different from most people. I even worry about dusk coming too soon 

I have come to have a deeper understanding of the meaning of Grace! Grace is what is takes to totally surrender all to God, not our efforts, not our good deeds, not how much we know… just un-merited favour – God’s Grace. Through Grace, God has already taken care of everything so we need not worry, because He knows even before we ask (Matthew 6:8). We don’t have to work to earn His Grace, it’s free! Just claim it and it will come to light in your life. My prayer for 2012 is that God should teach me more about Grace, open my eyes to see the application of Grace in my life, and share this great gift with as many people as possible. God bless you!

How much time can you give?

Now I get the real meaning of the phrase ‘enjoy your youth’. What is interesting is that when one is still young, no matter how much advice is given, we never take it seriously, until such a time when responsibilities bug us down and consume our existence.

As you get older, you see the necessity of investing your time in productive activities. At the same time, peoples’ desire to get your attention increases. The only constant here is the length of a day…24hours. As you get older, you meet new people, make more friends, build stronger bonds professionally and socially… all these requiring a piece of your time. You take up more responsibilities at work, maybe having parallel jobs like running a business alongside your regular 7.30am to 5pm, or sitting in one committee or another, church responsibilities, etc… and it’s still 24hours a day. And then here comes marriage [in-laws] and/or children to add to the [over-indulgent] relatives that you already have!

What compounds the situation is that all these different time-demanding entities require your full attention and expect you to be efficient when interacting with them. How possible can that be? Now here’s what I think (it’s my thoughts, my secret thoughts, and I take full responsibility for it: FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIALS! Let me break this down in the next few paragraphs.

Essential 1: My job. Ok, shoot me because I didn’t start with family but remember I didn’t say I was listing in order of importance. I am starting with professional life because it has a structured timetable already, it will help me to work out the others around it. My job is very important to me. Before I used to think that when I start having children, I will give myself a professional break and have them all at once, take care of them and then go back to work. Let’s be real here fellows, when you have all these degrees burning in your back pack, a job with prospective, people who look up to you for financial support, increasing job scarcity and fears of job insecurity, you just can’t afford to say ‘aaahhh!’ to your job. Some people quit their jobs to take care of their kids and end up taking it out on the poor little pumpkins because of frustration. Even as a mom who so badly loves her son, I don’t think I will be happier if I quit my job and stayed home with him. But I am just one in millions of women on earth. The contrary will work perfectly for some, maybe most, women… don’t take my word for gospel, it is just my thoughts! So with my job safe, I block out 6.30am (or whenever I leave the house in the morning) to 6pm (or whenever I get back home).

Essential 2: With the food on the table, I now move on to immediate family (micro family as I love to call it). In case of emergency (celebration of events, ailment, doctor’s appointments…) at this level, Essential 1 will step aside for Essential 2. That tells you how very important immediate family is. If I have to, I will wake up at 4am to do laundry, prepare the baby’s (or children’s) food, prepare them for school, before getting ready for work. In the evening, I will prepare dinner, prepare spices for the next day meals, iron dresses, make sure assignments are done, school bags packed, etc. I will sleep for a couple of hours if that is what it takes to make my immediate family happy. On weekends, spend as much time as possible with them, go shopping with them, go to the park, … just making sure that whatever activity I am carrying out involves them. That way I can do the things I need to do and still have my family’s attention.

Essential 3: Religious, social and moral responsibilities. Whatever activities you are involved in that give you a sense of fulfillment, could be leisure, clubs, etc, then give them some attention after prioritizing family and job.

Essential 4: Extended immediate family (siblings & their kids, parents). Call me what you may but I have realized I need to discriminate between my immediate extended family, and the larger extended family that includes cousins, uncles and aunts. I will give up some of my family time for this group of people depending on the necessity. I will give them a few days of my annual leave. I will call them from time to time to find out how they are doing.

Essential 5: I love my friends and they represent different things to me, every one of them special. I use friends here in the real sense of the word, not just loosely. My friends have almost same privileges as immediate extended family but for the fact that we will have more cumulative face time over the year. Not that I will spend days at a time with a friend, but we can meet over lunch, a couple of hours every month… and then by the end of the year we might have spent more face time than I would with most of my immediate extended family.

Essential 6: Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) and other friends (acquaintances). I know some cousins are as good as sisters/brothers, but in trying to prioritize my time, I draw the line. Most of these people I never get to see, or we meet occasional (events, celebrations, etc). These only get the piece of my time that comes by chance (like a chance meeting), or when there is such an emergency that I cannot ignore.

If you notice I haven’t said anything about in-laws. That is a very slippery terrain that I will like to explore in details in another post.
Those are my secret thoughts, what are yours?

Hurray! Another dawn

My last post was in April 2010… exactly one year ago. It was a birthday post, so yes you are right, I am one year older today… or younger depending on your reference point.

This past year has been unquestionably the best year of my life. Do you know the Bible verse that says that God is able to do “, exceeding abundantly above all you can ever think or imagine?” (Eph 3:20), that is where I am at now. My cup of blessings is overflowing, despite the fact that it has been “pressed down, shaken together” (Luke 6:38). I am just pouring the excess into other people’s cups.
Where do I start from to count my numerous blessings? God has been awesome in his divine providence. He continuously reminded me of His word (the Rhema that worketh at all times!) in Phil 4:13 “I can do all through Him who strengthens me”, He means that literally. I don’t need a preacher to break this down to me, it is in simple English and has no literally connotation.

How do I count my blessings? How do I summarise it for another person to understand without feeling jealous, or without feeling life is not fair? A friend helped me with a good summary this morning when she said: “Precious, how many people at your age have achieved what you have…?” (and then she went on to mention them). I am still hesitating to mention some of the blessings because I am afraid it may weaken someone rather than strengthen him/her. Anyway, celebrate with me because the Lord has manifested His abundant love to me, as He does to everyone else.
I will definitely count my blessings and name them one by one, but I will do so with God.

Ok, the above paragraphs might give the impression that yours truly has reached the height of it. Absolutely NOT! I am a ‘chantier’, God’s work is not done in me yet. I am a work in progress, in fact God working on/in me can be likened to a farmer tilling a rocky soil. Can you imagine how many hoes and spades and dig axes, etc, that farmer will need? Not to mention the energy dispensed and the time. God bless my soul.

This has led me to my main challenge this coming year… working on myself to render myself an easier ground for seed sowing. I really can’t do it on my own, so I am allowing the Holy Spirit to do that work in me, like causing rain to fall before the farmer starts tilling. One step at a time. I will start with the one I consider to be the most fundamental as others build from it… keeping a routine.

From now this ceases to be a problem but a challenge. I find it difficult to keep any routine (maybe except watching my favourite programmes on TV…shame on me). I have been using the freedom God has given me so freely, but now I have to be asking myself those questions that will enable me to ensure my freedom does not impose harm on another person, including of course, and most especially my son. How do I exercise my freedom in a way that will make my son, my hubby, those around me and myself better people? That is the question of the year! Refer to Gal 5 and 1 Corinth 8 and 10

There are so many things I know I can do through God who gives me strength if I can just keep a routine. I won’t go on to enumerate the things I want to be doing regularly, which presently I am not, but which if done will make me a better person. I will, just like my blessings, present them to God.

You may be wondering why I am saying, and not saying… at the same time. I just need one thing from you… pray for me. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in and through me to enable me do the things I need to be doing regularly. Don’t be afraid I might ask something disastrous, I have and am aligning my desires with God’s plan for my life!

God Bless you. I love you with the love of the Lord.

My B-day Thoughts - The World Beyond

This is perhaps the longest item published on this blog, but it took me just a few minutes to write this up because it has been in my thoughts for the past week.

When I was younger, during periods when I am ill my sister, Renz, will come into the room and start singing those religious songs that were frequently heard at funerals. I will scream and beg her to stop. Then it was because I was so scared of dying, simply because I did not know why I was living.
When you understand why you are living, the purpose for which you were born in the first place, you regard death as the other side of life. While you work and toil to ensure you fulfil your life’s purpose, you await the time when you will be called on to your reward, at the other side of life – death.
Paul lived all our lives… for the sinners, he was the worse of them all; for the believers, he was the best in his time; for the unmarried, he was the most preserved and faithful of them; for those who like exploring the world, he sailed the seas endlessly. So what do you have to hold against him? When this guy was nearing the end of his life, and looking forward to the life beyond – death, he said
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Tim 4:7; NIV).
This is an example for us. The Bible encourages us to "run with patience (endurance, persistence) the race set before us, looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith ... For consider Him that endured ... lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." (Heb 12:1-3). Need I say more? Ask your local church pastor.

Now, with my purpose of living so clear in my mind, and as I enter another year in my life, I have been pondering what my family, friends, and loved ones will say of me when I am gone to the world a yonder – to be with my Eternal Father. I have thought of many lines: “she lived her life gracefully…”; “she brought smiles to the faces of so many…” etc., and my thoughts have neigh turned negative at any point. I am not allowed to write my own eulogy, so l will leave that to the rest living on earth when I transcend the evil of this world.
I have however been inspired by some of the greatest eulogies of our time, and wondered if mine will come any close to them. The last two paragraphs of Margaret Thatcher’s eulogy to Ronald Reagan (former US President) reads
“For the final years of his life, Ronnie's mind was clouded by illness. That cloud has now lifted. He is himself again - more himself than at any time on this earth. For we may be sure that the Big Fella Upstairs never forgets those who remember Him. And as the last journey of this faithful pilgrim took him beyond the sunset, and as heaven's morning broke, I like to think - in the words of Bunyan - that `all the trumpets sounded on the other side'.

We here still move in twilight. But we have one beacon to guide us that Ronald Reagan never had. We have his example. Let us give thanks today for a life that achieved so much for all of God's children.”

Mahatma Gandhi was a great fighter, fighting for the freedom of all peoples. When he passed on, Jawaharlal Nehru (India’s first PM) said the following:
“Friends and comrades, the light has gone out of our lives and there is darkness everywhere. I do not know what to tell you and how to say it. Our beloved leader, Bapu as we called him, the father of the nation, is no more. Perhaps I am wrong to say that. Nevertheless, we will not see him again as we have seen him for these many years. We will not run to him for advice and seek solace from him, and that is a terrible blow, not to me only, but to millions and millions in this country, and it is a little difficult to soften the blow by any other advice that I or anyone else can give you.
The light has gone out, I said, and yet I was wrong. For the light that shone in this country was no ordinary light. The light that has illumined this country for these many years will illumine this country for many more years, and a thousand years later that light will still be seen in this country, and the world will see it and it will give solace to innumerable hearts. For that light represented the living truth ... the eternal truths, reminding us of the right path, drawing us from error, taking this ancient country to freedom.
All this has happened when there was so much more for him to do. We could never think that he was unnecessary or that he had done his task. But now, particularly, when we are faced with so many difficulties, his not being with us is a blow most terrible to bear”.

I am not trying to compare myself to Reagan or the great Gandhi, but hey I know in my little space, I can make a huge impact such that when I am gone, people will think the light is gone, and know that the Big Fella upstairs has not forgotten me.
To conclude, in the 19th Century, one of the greatest poets who ever lived was Emily Dickenson (1830 – 1886). She wrote countless poems about death and was thought of as someone who adored death. One of those poems titled 'IF I SHOULD DIE' reads:
If I should die,

And you should live,

And time should gurgle on,

And morn should beam,

And noon should burn,

As it has usual done;

If birds should build as early,

And bees as bustling go,

--One might depart at option

From enterprise below!

T'is sweet to know that stocks will stand

When we with daisies lie,

That commerce will continue,

And trades as briskly fly.

It makes the parting tranquil

And keeps the soul serene,

That gentlemen so sprightly

Conduct the pleasing scene!


Love and Peace. Yours Truly, moi!

Panic Attack

Dear Readers

This is another episode in this reality show called "My Life". Please don't just enjoy reading, but offer your advice as requested in the last paragraph


Last night (April 18th), around 1am I was somewhere midway between dreaming and reality… u know how it is at times. Truth is since thieves broke into my house, I sleep with my lights on cos at times I have a creepy feeling someone is in my room. Had that feeling yesterday but couldn’t get up. Forced myself and when I finally succeeded to wake up, I heard a sound like someone hitting my door with a hammer. Ok, I know I can get dramatic at times, but this sounded so real. I got up slowly from bed and was thinking at 200words/sec… why should thieves come to my house the 2nd time in less than 2months, and in a fairly secure neighbourhood?


Well, got up quietly, picked up my phone which lights up for less than a sec, so couldn’t quite help, and tiptoed to the door of my room. I was in a state of panic by then, and I told myself if I have to go down, at least let me try scaring them away first (my thought was they were still outside trying to break in). Just for the record, there was no light and the night was as still as death.


I opened my door, the noise sounded closer. I realised it was coming from my dining table which is about 1.5m from my door. Then as I flashed the light from my phone, I heard a thud as something jumped on the floor. I noticed the table was in disarray, the wine glasses were all over the place, a bottle of peanut had fallen and the lid was off, papers were scattered everywhere, flower vase pushed down as well… and then it dawned on me! It was a rat! (really that is not a mouse). Before I knew it, I had screamed "Lord of Mercy!"

This rat is in the family of those which live in gutters and drainage cannals around the compound. I noticed one in my house less than two months ago and it has made me to be prudent. In fact I can’t leave food (cooked or uncooked) open and unsupervised, not even for 5mins. This rat has found its niche in my bath tub, through a hole that was blocked with wood. It ate the wood and allowed itself space to go inside the tub (you know like the space between the tub and the floor) and out as it pleases.

Ok, back to the attack. So shocked at the disorder, I still needed to convince myself it was the rat and not a human intruder. So I went and checked my doors, and they were intact. I arranged the things on the table, took the bottle of peanut to my room (I am even scared it will follow this to my bedroom, so today I will put the bottle in my kitchen cabinet), went and closed the door of the bath thinking the rat had gone back to its hiding place.

I returned to my room, still panicky so I could not sleep. With a candle, I was playing cards alone on the bed for more than one hour. I heard screeching sounds outside and I guessed the rat was trying to get out of the bath. I went out and you won’t believe what the rat had done to the door of the bath. When I closed the door, the rat wasn’t in the bath as I suspected. So when it wanted to return to its niche and noticed the door locked, it started chewing on the wood. It had peeled out a whole portion of the door before I got there. Guess what I did? I opened the door so it can go through quietly.

When I called my hubby this morning and narrated what happened, he told me the sweetest thing anyone has told me in a long long time. He said "Baby, I admire your courage". It sounded so sweet that I didn’t want to probe, in case that was sarcasm to mean "how did you think you could confront thieves with a phone?" ha ha! Really, what was I thinking? But I know Xav, he meant it.

But hey, I need more than courage to go through this. That rat has to go! How?
I need advice on how to get rid of that hideous creature that I dread and fear, and that is terrorising me!

Just for the record, I tried poisoning it but it didn't even sniff the stuff. I am looking for a stronger poison, i.e. if I can find.

The Most Inspiring Words!

I didn't know what else to do with this after forwarding to friends whose addresses I could easily lay my hands on... and I thought I might just bless someone with this if I post it on my blog. Hope you are blessed at the end of this. I want to thank my dear friend, Perps, for sending this to me.

There
was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations..

Life Is a Gift

Today
Before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat..

Before
you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
Before
you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven..

Before
whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around..

God Bless You!

Tips - Live Your Dreams

During my 'introspection moment' on Sunday, I was pondering over the question 'How many of my dreams have I realised already?' This is a very important question that we must be asking ourselves every now and then. It is so fulfilling when you realise you are living, or have lived, your dreams.

When we are growing up, we have all these lovely fantasies that gradually become real as we mature into adulthood. We spend more time focusing on them than actually doing something to make them come to past. I have decided to be more goal oriented and ask myself all the time what end my actions are aimed at, and if that end ties in, in any little or remote way, with one of my dreams.

I was a child once, a teenager at another time, and now an adult. I had a few dreams, some of which I tried to realise, others I just gave up on (too bad!), and I am still working hard on getting others done. I have realised a few little tricks on realising dreams that have to do with places to visit:

* I fantasised about Switzerland, and told myself and whoever was ready to listen that I will not leave this world without stepping on Swiss soil...I did, 1st trip to Europe, took SWISS AIR with transit in Zurich!

* I was wondering why people want to go to Paris, so I took Air France on a trip with stopovers in Paris, and hurray! I missed a flight and spent a night in Paris!

* I have this fantasy about flying on Qatar air (please bear this ad, I can't resist...'your 5* airline*). I am planning to travel to the UK for a short break at the end of June and I am considering doing Q! Don't mind the long flight, it is worth it!

OK, let me not bore you with these, but I have as many examples of flying experiences that have taken me to places in my dream as you have phalanges (fingers and toes for my anti-biology readers) on your body, including flying business in one of the world’s best (won’t let out on this!)

Tip 1: Book an airline that will have at least a stopover before your final destination. They say 'killing two birds with the same stone'? try this.
Tip 2: If you are a regular flyer, use your miles wisely… they can enable you to fly business or spend the night in a dream hotel

Tip 3: Change airlines as frequently as possible. This means discovering new 'soils'.
Tip 4: Spend a lot of time going around. Buy day/week savers bus or train tickets) and just jump from bus to bus or tram to tram.
Tip 5: Even if your schedule is tight, do not sleep for long hours when you are on a trip! Spend time out.
Tip 6: Budget for travel. It is worth every cent of it!
Tip 7: Never mind where you are, enjoy it!